smoking in moorgate

like red ash flickering into abyss

black, on 

east or west,

throats constricted, struggle and

then, as good as new.

red sand dampened by colourless

shiny pavement, don't

worry it'll soon be replaced and disappear,

struggle and

then, as good as new.

red rats gorging away at ripe root

lungs, soon flesh ivory muscles, and

then the vile heart,

struggle, and then as good as new.

aiming for the half empty glass but

smiles full up kept under a secret face, in

secret pockets of pipes and the brain,

i like 2.45 the

best, the sharpest red hooks couldn't scrape

into this fortress, no

struggle because i am reborn as a

thousand different people at once, in a 

single 

second.

i compel third into first because it is

who i am, in fact, even

the new moon echoes the divine 

transgression.

fingertips tracing fluorescent 

silver clouds that shelter all guilt, there's

no shame in following but even less in 

staying.

stay and

let yourself feel the rain peel down your face, and

wind embrace some kind of wonderful.

stay and

feel the city perspire, stay

and feel the ground

breathe.

grand mal

epileptic seizure, I
can feel with hands a
rainbow of dispersed light, the source, a
humility- it isn't even profound nor
appreciated.
the way the light fights through the window is
sad yet, so benign,
i do not know why I even try to define the sound,
for you could never understand it.
I have caged myself within my own death trap and so 
kidnapper becomes the kidnapped, i suffer 
stockholm syndrome because, despite this,
i just love myself.
i love me so much i smother myself with
hatred and resentment because only
I
am worthy of me.
these bars are the shiniest shade of forever and
the paint on the walls flake off only to be replaced by 
snake skin.
epileptic seizure
and I am back to foetal position 
on an empty table. the colours you feed me
are just lies.
i can giggle under the sheets but what is the point
when the sound is engulfed by the past.
i tried to let it go but it just won't loosen it's choke-
hold, so hold it, hold everything i have given this because
it is all you will ever get, every
sellotaped argument and every
burnt out cigarette. 
epileptic seizure and
strapped to another back in turbulence, out of my body i can
see myself drop, and that was just the start of it.
from dizzying heights, so amusing to fall like 
helicopter seeds, a descent so 
delicate and meaningless
the light transfuses the wings, how 
ethereal nature can be in 
disaster.
it is so easy to let go but so hard to 
keep your palms open but
keep them open, please


please


keep them open.